Hi there! Welcome to my blog! This blog is a place where people come to...
Okay, let's cut the crap and quit with the pleasantries. Pleasantries are almost always boring. When was the last time you read a nice news article about how pleasant everything was? You haven't done that. Ever. Why? Because pleasantries are stupid and boring and no one cares about them.
So, let's get to the brass tacks:1 your reason for being here. Do you like dinosaurs? What about puppies? Cat GIFs? The beach? The mountains? Jesus? America? Do you hate evil and badness and Hitler and iguanas? If you answered yes to any of those, then you are totally in the right place!2 But what happens now? You're in the right place, but this is clearly just a back page meant to deal with new readers! Well, my dear friend, I'm very happy to tell you that you are both in the right place and asking the right questions! The next steps are entirely up to you! That's right! Freedom! America! Democracy! Yea!
You can click on the "IAMSELLEK?" text up at the top of the page. Or, you can check out the archive to the right and click some stuff there to review older articles. See? Total freedom! The one thing you are not allowed to do is be sad. So don't you let me catch you with a frown on your face, you! *Hearty, friendly chuckle.*
Also, you can't leave. Yea. That's not allowed. You have to stay here forever. Sorry, that's just how it goes. Since you're stuck here forever, you might as well have fun, right? Hooray! So have fun, tell all5 of your friends/acquaintances/neighbors/people you sit next to on the bus/the people in other cars as you drive through traffic about this site and how totally amazing and awesome and hilarious it is, and enjoy your eternity on my blog! Whoo! Best website ever!
1 I have no idea what this means or if I'm using it correctly.
2 Even though this place has almost3 nothing to do with any of those things.
3 Okay, not almost. Absolutely. This site has absolutely nothing to do with any of those things.4
4 Except for iguanas. Kind of.
5 Literally all. Literally.
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