I Wrote A Blog Post And Facebook Deleted It

Yup. Wrote for an hour to an hour-and-a-half, clicked on "preview" to check it out, Facebook decided to be a piece of crap like it likes to do, and the post was gone. So, thanks to Facebook and their beautifully performing software, this is your blog post for the next two weeks.

You don't even get a picture this week. That's how dumb Facebook is...

You Can't Go Very Far In Life Without Saying The Word "Is"

We all know it's been an entire month since my last post, so let's not even mention it and then...oh. Crap.

So can we take a moment to talk about this Little Rabbit Foo Foo guy?* Jerk. Seriously. And he's not even just a jerk, he's a stupid jerk. Not only does he enjoy bashing other creatures on the head for absolutely no reason other than "it's fun,**" he completely ignores three very clear warnings from Miss Fairy.*** You have to admit that this lady is quite aptly named, by the way. Little Rabbit Foo Foo doesn't even pretend to care about anything that she's saying, but she remains patient and true to her word. I would have destroyed him the second I even thought he was ignoring me.† I would like to ask, however, that we also add the word "Stupid" or some derivative thereof to her name and here's why: as punishment for being an obnoxious, stupid jerk, she turns Little Rabbit Foo Foo into a goon. You know, the thing that can, presumably, still do an exceptionally good job at picking up field mice and bash them on the head. The moral of my story: if you're trying to punish someone for using their arms in an inappropriate manner, don't change them into something with arms just to have a witty pun to end your stupid song with.

So I was doing something very rare the other day:†† talking to a friend about Inception. We were arguing about whether or not it (inception) was possible when I told him not to think about elephants. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he responded with "gorillas." That...didn't work quite as well as I had expected. Anyway, we came upon the subject of totems and he said that he wanted to use an hourglass. In a dream, he explained, the sand would never stop falling. Pretty clever idea, when you first think about it. Then you realize that it's a horrible idea if the hourglass is anything more than a 5-second-glass.††† If you have an hourglass that lasts a minute or two, you're going to be wasting a lot of time sitting, watching that sand, and wondering if your 60 seconds have passed yet.

I went to a restaurant with my family to celebrate the 4th of July‡ a few weeks ago. It was a nicer restaurant, and the waiter asked if we were celebrating anything that day by coming to the restaurant. We replied by telling him that we were celebrating Independence Day.‡ He responded with "Oh. I guess you could be celebrating that." Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Waiter, is the fact that you live with complete liberty and the fact that you are guaranteed a vote in each and every election not enough for you? What about the fact that you are completely free to flame the government that gives you those privelages every single day? Is that enough for you? Is it?!

Ahem. Sorry.

For real, though. He guesses it could be? Come on...

All right guys, that's it for this week. Oh and by the way, Chick-Fil-A employees, it is not your pleasure. I'm the one who's going to be drinking the Coke. Freakin' liars.

*Ah, yes, we're jumping right on in to the important stuff early on this one. Google "Little Rabbit Foo Foo Lyrics" if you don't know what I'm talking about or you won't understand this entire paragraph. Or skip this entire paragraph...I guess that's an option, too. If you're really lame, that is.

**Because, let's be honest here, it totally is. Uh...*adult voice* but that doesn't give one an excuse.

***Assuming, of course, that her first name is "The", her middle name is "Good" and her last name is "Fairy."

†This is actually why my parents decided not to name me "The Good Fairy." In case you were wondering...††

††Clearly not true.

†††See what I did there? Teehee.

‡You know, the day that we celebrate our independence from an oppresive nation that was trying to tax us without giving us any fair representation and that did a large number of other, unnecessarily mean things.

Keep looking, I promise it's worth it. You'll know when you find it.

I Just Burnt my Tongue

"Hey guys! Is everyone excited tonight?!?!?!"

*Crowd gives a "meh" response.*

"I SAID....IS EVERYONE EXCITED TONIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Seriously, though, why do people do that? And why does the audience always appease them by screaming louder the second time around? If you're excited, scream the first time. Don't let that person up on stage manipulate you into living life the way they want you to. Sheesh.*

So, funny story. A few weeks ago, I was stopped behind a girl driving a BMW in the left-turn lane at Falls and Durant.** I happened to glance in her rear-view mirror*** and thought she might be checking me out. I couldn't tell if she was looking at me in the rear-view mirror or at the lights. Well, I got my answer soon enough. The left arrow turned green. Nothing happened. Grinning (since I was finally on the other side of this kind of awkward engagement), I nonchalantly pointed up at the light. She noticed the green arrow and turned. I laughed my head off. That had to be so awkward for her. I'm laughing even now as I type this.

...

I feel like I received much more enjoyment from this story than you guys did just now. I apologize.†

Anyway, you know what I don't get? Like at all? Women. Seriously, you guys†† are so confusing. You're constantly doing things that make no sense to me. Saying things like "Let's talk about feelings", or "What do you think about this" or "Please stop trying to contact me seriously I'm going to call the police."††† And then you do even weirder things. Like...you....cry. What is that? Guys, I have yet to figure out what to do with a crying woman. I default to one of two actions: I pat the girl on the head as awkwardly as possible, and if that doesn't work, I offer to buy her something shiny. If she's still crying at this point, I pretty much just give up and walk away. I can see my marriage now:

*Pats head quite awkardly. Wife continues crying. Glances around.*

Me: "Uh....do you....I could buy you a diamond?"

*Wife continues crying.*

Me: "Okay, you know what? I can't work with this. If you decide to be rational, I'll be in the gameroom playing Call of Duty."‡

Jeez. I had this one girl once have the audacity to tell me that guys were "just as complicated as women." She spit that "just" out like she had someone in mind, too. Why she was directing it at me is beyond me,‡‡ but probably beside the point. I got pretty annoyed with her. I was like "What?! No, we are not!" Seriously, can you believe this lady? When was the last time you saw a guy crying and thought "Man, that poor guy must be going through lots of...stuff." No. That never happens. If you see a guy crying, you know darn well it's for a perfectly good reason. Like his girl just left him. Or his dad died. Or he just had his ears ripped off. All of these things are very good reasons for crying. "Stuff" is not.

I then further explained that every guy on the face of this planet falls into one of two categories. When it comes to women, we're either 1) stupid, or 2) stupid jerks. That's it. We're either in the "Stupid Guys" group and hurt your feelings because we honestly just don't realize that what we're doing is leading you on, or we're in the "Stupid Jerk Guys" group and do things that even the dumbest guy knows not to do, i.e. saying "I love you" when we don't mean it. That's it. Two categories. Very simple. You have been enlightened.‡‡‡

Before I leave, I want to go on one more rant. I've been thinking about engagements recently.†††† Have you seen any chick flick ever? You know how the guy always proposes to the girl (most of the time after some lame fight) with some eloquently written speech that would make Nicholas Sparks tear up? Yea, that's a no. I'll be freaking out so bad and/or crying so hard that I'll be lucky to get the word "marry" out of my mouth. I might even shorten it more to just "me." Or "m." Which, by the way, wouldn't be romantic at all. So, future girlfriend/fiancée, this is your heads up. Also, as I confessed above, if you ever start crying I'll probably just leave you standing wherever you are to sort out your own problems.‡‡‡‡ Don't say I didn't warn you.

Peanut butter.

*Really, though, I think the reason I hate that so much is because clichés drive me crazy. Be creative and make life interesting for a change.

**For those who don't live here (since so many people read this blog that it probably has an international following by this point), it's a left turn here that sucks.

***If I'm going to be honest here, I was probably trying to check her out.

†This (should be) predictable at this point: I didn't mean that apology.

††Ladies, whatever.

†††...

‡If I get one message from someone who took this seriously, I will go on a punching spree. Starting with said person's face.

‡‡Another reason ya'll are confusing.

‡‡‡Take that, John Locke.****

****If you don't get this joke (i.e. if you're not Greg Lawrence), Google "enlightened John Locke".

††††Probably because every person alive has been getting engaged recently.

‡‡‡‡Okay, even I felt bad writing this. Man. I'm a bad person. But...I can make you laugh. That'll be my selling point. *Starts working on an ad campaign. For himself.*

...

Yea, I don't know, it's like three in the morning.

In Mercia!? The Coconut's Tropical!

So here I come crawling back to all of you with my tail in between my legs. It's been a while. I apologize profusely. Blah blah blah. There, we're friends again, yes? Yes.*

So as some of you may know, I went on a cruise vacation with my awesome family this last weekend. It was an amazing time and we shared many a laugh. I have decided that I will also share said laughs with you all in tonight's note. First, we have the quote of the week. This quote was uttered** by my little sister, Elizabeth. We were watching the welcome aboard show and the cruise director came on stage to let us all know who was planning all of our fun for the week. At one point, he asked for the newlyweds and literally no one responded. As a joke, he asked "I wonder where all the newlyweds are?" Elizabeth, being 12 years of age, did not quite understand what he was hinting at. All she knew is that it was getting late and that as such, people were probably tired. So she decided to give her opinion as to where exactly they were:

"IN BED!!!!"

My little sister, everybody. I've taught her well.***

Now that we've explored the quote of the week, we shall explore some of my random thoughts during this vaca.† First, my entire family got sunburned. In Canada. I...don't even know what to say to this. I'm leaving this one to Mike and his mother to explain.††

While on the cruise, I saw an older couple taking pictures together. This might have been cute, except they were taking pictures on the stairs. You know, those things people use to travel from one floor to the other. The things that you don't just sit on. For any reason. Especially if that reason involves sitting completely still with a stupid smile on your face while the line to take the stairs††† backs up to the previous floor. And if possessive your‡ a staircase and you are‡ one purpose in life is to have people walk all over you 24/7 and you can't even do that right, then...well...I'll let you decide what drastic action to take.

Can I just make a statement real quick? Not like any normal statement, but a statement that shall be classified as complete, irrefutable fact. I can't hear any of you because you're reading this after I've written it, so I'll assume your answer is yes. Taking pictures of people while they attempt to enjoy their dinner is a horrible idea:

Camera lady: "Can I take a picture of you three on that side of the table?"

Me: "What? I have food in my mouth."

*Snap!* ‡‡

Yea, they do that. And as if that isn't bad enough, the cruise line then tries to sell you these pictures. That's just mean.

On these cruises, they have what's called a "Coke Card."‡‡‡ If you purchase a Coke Card at the beginning of the week, you get free coke the rest of the week by just flashing your card. The card is around $50, so I make sure it's worth it by drinking enough Coke during the cruise to kill a cow. One day for lunch, I ordered a Coke from this guy and finished it rather quickly. I returned about 10-15 minutes later and asked for another. He gave me a look I can only describe as skeptical disappointment and then quite seriously, as though he were talking to a smoker with cancer asking for a cigarette, asked "Another Coke, Chris?" Um...yes, please. I ordered 10 more Cokes from him on the spot.****

One of the most interesting†††† things I saw this week was a woman flossing. While walking. Yea, she was just walking along, minding her own business and....flossing. How did this happen?

Woman: "Oh man! I need to be on the other side of the boat to see my boyfriend and I need to flossurgently but I only have time to do one of those things! Wait...I have an idea...."

*Cue some kind of lame superhero music.*

And thus, the superhero Floss Woman was born. I was going to say that she'd be a fad that wouldn't last, but if we're being honest with ourselves, she probably won't even be a fad to begin with.

Friend 1: "Man, I have so much stuff in between my teeth."‡‡‡‡

Friend 2: "Floss Woman! We need your help!"

*Cue that music again.*

Yea, "Friend 2" is some friend. Guys, if I ever complain about having things stuck in my teeth and you call some random woman to floss it out, I will strangle you with the string of floss that she uses. Or with another string of floss if she does what I'm now dubbing "floss-and-runs" in order to avoid any inevitable lawsuits. Crap, I'm developing her character, this needs to stop.

I'll close with something that happened as we were leaving our cruise and heading toward our car. We had to wait in a line to get through customs and while we were there, this obnoxious Indian dude just up and cuts in front of half of our family like it was no big deal. He's sitting there waiting in line when he realizes that he just doesn't want to wait anymore. So he just steps in front of four people and then turns and waves his wife over. We decided to be polite about things by trying to get in front of him nonchalantly since, you know, he just kind of stole our place in line. Then, get this, he starts glancing back at us with an annoyed look as though we were cutting in front of him. He kept giving us annoyed looks while trying to position his bag in our way so that we couldn't get around him. And he did all this while trying to cut in front of the rest of my family. He underestimated us. We got to customs first. Sellek win. *Cue awesome superhero music.*

*Yes.

**Or screamed.

***She obviously didn't mean it that way, losers, she's 12.

†If I ever use this abbreviation or anyone like it again, kill me. Slowly.

††And yes, all of us were giddy about being in Canada because we know a Canadian family. If you think this is stupid then....then....you're stupid. Stupid.

†††Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that a line to use the stairs is completely nonsensical. You walk down them. Nothing about that action should require waiting.

‡This has been a mockery of teenagers everywhere. Your welcome (teehee).

‡‡Yea, I couldn't think of a better onomatopoeia for the sound cameras make.

‡‡‡This may just be a name my family invented and started using as though it was universally known. This could explain some weird looks we've gotten...

****Not true at all. But I probably should have. What does he care if I order another Coke??

††††Or straight-up inexplicable...

‡‡‡‡Since...you know...that's such a common ailment. And one that friends share with one another. And...yea, shut up.

And That, My Liege, Is How We Know The Earth To Be Banana-Shaped

ATTENTION EVERYONE!  I HAVE JUST BEEN HANDED A TERRIFYING AND SHOCKING NEWS REPORT, AND I ASK THAT YOU ALL...

Wait, why does this sound familiar?  Crap, I've done this joke before, haven't I?  One second.  *Finds the post from one month ago.  Sighs.*  Great.  Now how am I supposed to start this post?  Uh...

Well, I feel like a congratulations is in order for every single one of you because, as of last week Friday (April 29), you have all made it through one year of my blog posts!  And to think that those of you who have been here from the start (me, me, and me, for starters) haven't given up on me!  Or gotten sick of reading these!  Or...okay, let's be honest.  You guys freaking love me.  Seriously.*  The fact that I've actually kept up with these, though, is seriously a big deal.  Like really big.  Like....*tries thinking of a cool simile/metaphor and fails*...like big.  *Awkward pause.*

Oh man.  I'm hyped up on caffeine again.  Which is more of a warning for those reading than anything.  Honestly, though, I feel like these turn out better when I'm on a caffeine high.**  Seriously though, how have any of you survived these footnote mazes??

I've been quite excited about today's blog post because of the plethora of ideas my amazing brain has been coming up with the past couple of weeks.††  I'll be forced to only share a couple of them with you here tonight.  So those of you with seatbelts or seat-straps (ie none of you) strap yourselves in and get ready for blog-y awesomeness!  *Jumps into the air while yelling "YEA!" and then freezes there.  Fade to black.*

I have a confession to make to all of you.  I am deathly afraid of garbage disposals.  Not like the sound that they make or anything like that.  But when something drops down that drain and I have to reach in to grab it, I'm horrified down to the core of my soul that it'll somehow manage to gain sentience, turn itself on, and turn my hand into a fingerless, bloody stump.‡  Or that somehow, probably through a freak accident where some other inanimate object gains sentience, said possessed object will hit the garbage disposal switch and turn it on while my hand is still in there.  Stupid Final Destination trailer.

Google has been entertaining me a lot recently.  For a while, they had this little notification that boasted about their upcoming new-and-improved ad system.  Their new ads, Google promised, would be "better."‡‡‡  Finally, I signed into my Gmail account one day to find that little disclaimer gone.  In its place was an ad for immigration lawyers.  Guys, Google's racist.  Another bit of hilarity from Google: I spotted an ad (probably for the 4 tourists that come here every few years) exclaiming about "365 things to do in Raleigh!"  Pfft.  Yea, that list is probably not the same thing listed 365 times:  

1) Visit tobacco field A!

2) Visit tobacco field B!

3) Visit tobacco field C!

...

123) Visit cotton field A!

124) Visit cotton field B!

...

364) Visit corn field W!

365) Also, there's movie theaters.****

Seriously, though, there's gotta be at least 100 duplicates.  At the minimum.

One last question before I leave.  What's this thing with tanning?  Seriously, when I get married, I donot want my wife to be crazy tan.  Okay fine, I'll agree that it turns up the attraction level a tad, but here's my thing: do you know how much I (assume) I'll love having a wife without skin cancer?  A lot.  As in, more-than-I'll-like-having-a-tan-wife a lot.  Seriously.  When you're comparing a slightly less attractive woman who's still smoking freaking hot to a dead woman who's tan...I don't know, I just don't see the dilemma there.  Seems pretty cut-and-dry to me.  But, as you've probably figured out by now (especially if you've been reading for the whole year), I am crazy.  So maybe I'm missing something.  I don't know.

*Shut it.

**Probably a tad more difficult to follow, but better.  Somehow.***

***I like turtles.†

†http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y

††No sarcasm here.  Like, seriously.  I know, I almost didn't believe it.  But then I realized that not believing it would be stupid because....I, of all people, should know when I'm being sarcastic.  I mean, right?†††

†††Okay, no more caffeine late at night, I promise.  *Snickers uncontrollably.*

‡I'm mostly afraid of the fingerlessness.  I'm kinda attached to those little dudes.  And seriously, there was absolutely no pun intended there.  How lame do you think I am?‡‡

‡‡If you answered "lame enough to start two consecutive blog posts the same exact way", then you are a jerk.  Yea.  Chew on that for a while.

‡‡‡That's seriously the only way they described them.  "Better."  I'm thrilled.  Although I guess I can't really get on their case for having bad advertising for their advertising.  When they start advertising for their advertising for their advertising, though, I'm totally calling their plagiarism of Inception.

****See?  It's actually not  the same thing 365 times!

..........You're Not Ron.

ATTENTION EVERYONE!  I HAVE JUST BEEN HANDED A TERRIFYING AND SHOCKING NEWS REPORT, AND I ASK THAT YOU ALL LISTEN VERY CLOSELY!

I am awesome.  That is all.*

Recently, I've become obsessed with the phrase "add insult to injury."  It's such a wonderful phrase.  It's like "not only are you on the floor bleeding profusely from the nose because I just punched you, but you're also a putrid pile of repulsive flesh.  So there."  Pure awesome.  I hope to one day achieve the level of cool that is required to do this.  And if I ever do, I'm going to go around doing it toeveryone.

I mentioned in my last post that we were going to be discussing horror movies in future posts.  That is not happening.  At least not in this post.

You know what I love?**  Today's advertising.  I watched this commercial where this incredibly attractive woman walks out of a shower wearing nothing but a towel...on her head...and walks over to this guy who's also (presumably) not wearing anything and starts making out with him.  The camera pans back and just before they show naughty areas, the two change to very risque sillhouettes.***  Then, a brand of toothpaste fades onto the screen.  As in the thing you clean your teeth with.  As in the thing that has nothing to do with being naked, showering, and/or making out.†  Yea, I'll let you figure that one out...

We're visiting my childhood again in today's blog post as we did when I recounted my Connect Four story to you.  If you missed that one, it was a wonderful story.  Compelling, and rich.†††  In it, I studied the psyche of a young social outcast who did not even know the basics of the game Connect Four.‡  Today, we will be studying my own psyche‡‡‡ by taking a look at some dreams I used to have.

I used to have these dreams back before I was even 5 or 6, I think.  I don't know what prompted me to remember said dreams this last week, but I never really know what makes my brain work.  I just know that I switch topics in my brain faster than in my blog posts (see last week's post for a gauge on how fast I switch topics...read the comments for extra lolage††††), and that it'd probably be a very scary place for those who aren't used to it (ie anyone who's not me).  The sheer concentration it would take just to keep up with the information being violently thrown at you would be too much for even this guy: http://infocus.redding.com/MediaItemView.aspx?id=59425.‡‡‡‡

Anyway...my dreams.  Back when I was a kid, my brain would force me to share its distaste of awkward moments while I slept.  The setting would usually be something along the lines of my entire family (parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles) listening to me share a story that ended up have a less-than-impressive ending.  I'd end up finishing what I thought was an awesome story to a bunch of staring, expectant eyes belonging to people who didn't realize that I'd reached my punchline.  The dream would always end with me (quite awkwardly) saying something like "......and that's......pretty much it" while I turned red.

Then, a hideous monster would burst out from a hiding spot and begin eating my family while I watched.  I'm not making that up.

*For those who are wondering: yes, that part with the caps was an Anchorman quote.  For those who haven't seen Anchorman, please finish reading this and then watch it.  My blog post titles will make a lot more sense.

**Please note severe sarcasm.

***.....that continue to make out.

†Unless you're incredibly odd.  Okay, okay, I can kinda see how toothpaste and making out could be related.  One without the other could potentially be very disgusting.††

††How do you spell buzzkill?  S-o-m-e-o-n-e e-l-s-e-'s c-h-e-w-e-d f-o-o-d i-n y-o-u-r m-o-u-t-h.  Yuuummmmm.

†††Yet another Anchorman reference.  Seriously, go watch it.

‡Yea, I know the whole "pretending my blog is serious to mislead the reader" thing has gotten old, but I don't care.  I wanna see you come up with something new to write about every other week.‡‡

‡‡Shut up.  You were about to make a smart comment and you know it.

‡‡‡No, seriously.  Think about it.****

****After you've read the story, Holmes.

††††http://iamsellek.blogspot.com/2011/03/ribs-i-had-ribs-for-lunch-thats-why-im.html

‡‡‡‡Who, despite the title, does not look like he's concentrating at all, actually.

Ribs. I Had Ribs for Lunch, That's Why I'm Doing This.

I was speaking with a friend the other day about why we should always be smiling.  After much conversing on the topic, I finally told him that I would never allow him to not smile unless he could give me 1 billion legitimate reasons for not smiling.  He responded with "You know what, I'll give you two-point-seven billion reasons why I shouldn't smile.  Avatar."  Yea.  I lost that battle.*

Anyway, have you guys seen any scary movie ever created?  I have a question that I feel is quite appropriate.  Why, for the love of all things holy, do people never turn on the lights when there are scary monsters around??  I mean, I understand that the monster will be there whether the lights are on or off,** but don't these people ever think that maybe it'd be a tad easier to run from it if they could see where it was??  I mean, honestly.  "Oh man!  There's a scary monster in the room with me!‡  I think my best hope for survival would be to keep the lights off so I can't freaking see where it is.  That way, I can totally just run right into it since humans can't see in the dark!"  This strategy, I've found, works the best when the monster can see in the dark.‡‡

And now for something completely different (again).‡‡‡

My family likes to go on a vacation at least once a year where it's just the seven of us.****  Our most recent vacation took us on a cruise ship to the Western Caribbean.  The first day on this boat, we were reminded time and time again that we were invited to come to the top deck that night to celebrate the beginning of our voyage with a laser rock show.  As in seriously.  Laser.  Rock.  Show.  My first thought was "Man, that'd be fun....if it were 19-freaking-80."  My second thought was "I'd rather go eat."  Because honestly, why else do you go on a cruise?  Anyway, somehow or another we ended up going to the stupid laser rock show.  It ended up being lamer than its name and we ended up leaving when women wearing skimpy white outfits appeared out of nowhere and started dancing around the stage, pretending to all be in a trance.  I like to hope that this was considered odd even to those who had no problem objectifying said women, but, as I mentioned earlier, Avatar did make $2.7 billion worldwide so my hope for humanity was lost a while ago.

So after we left, we did what I wanted to do to begin with: we all got food.  My brother Matt and I were the first two to get our plates, and we picked a table that (for some reason) was right near the door leading to the rock and the lasers.  I sat down with my fries and had only been enjoying them for a few moments when a girl walked in from the rock show followed by two nerdy-looking guys.  She spotted my brother and I and with a "Hey boooyyyyyyyzzzzz",†††† she began approaching.  Oh, lovely.  I earnestly prayed that she would just ask where I had gotten the fries and then walk away.  My prayers were immediately answered with a no.

She got to our table and then lay down on it, pressing her chest against the table in what I can only assume was an attempt to be sexy.  She failed.  Partially because she wasn't hot and partially because her breasts were now right in front of my fries.  Thank you, girl.  Now I can't even take a fry without feeling dirty.

"My naaaaaaame's Kaaaaaaate."  She told us.

I don't care... I thought.  She then totally didn't introduce us to the nerds who were following her, maybe because she was too ashamed to admit that they were the best she could do.

"What.....are youuuur naaaammmeessssss?"

My, how nice of you to ask!  My name is My Fries Are Getting Cold and this is my brother, Trying To Eat.

"Chris," I said.

"Matt," Matt said.

"What......are you guyyzz doing toniiight?"

I felt like saying "Uh....not you," but decided to instead go with the polite route, in which I told herexactly what we'd be doing that night.  Hanging out with our parents.  Yea.  Mom and Dad win.  This apparently finally got it into her head that my brother and I had no intention of sleeping with her, and she asked where I had gotten the fries.  We saw her maybe 15 minutes later.  She didn't have any fries, but she had another guy in tow.  Yikes.

*In case you were wondering, yes.  I thought of that diss and then invented a conversation between a friend and I in order to share it with you guys.  *Hangs head and begins sobbing.*

**Thanks to my uncle Bryan for that quote.  And he didn't even have to guess a quote to make it on here.  In fact, he doesn't even know this blog exists!***

***Please note: this was not a slight on Stephanie Brown† so much as it is a big fat "my uncle's cooler than yours."††

†Who, by the way, just made it onto my blog again for the second time in a row.  Oh snap!!

††You wanna argue this?  Is your uncle mentioned by name in my blog?  No.  I win.†††

†††At this point in the footnote maze, if your brain is still intact/inside of your skull, you win 1 free internet.  Congratulations.

‡I can tell because I hear that clicking noise that EVERY monster EVER makes!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5I1q4KhKNU - at 58 seconds.)

‡‡More on horror movies in another post.

‡‡‡Dang, I switch topics faster than high school kids switch soul mates.

****Heh, just the seven of us...

††††You know, because talking like you're always drunk makes you sexy.