We all know it's been an entire month since my last post, so let's not even mention it and then...oh. Crap.
So can we take a moment to talk about this Little Rabbit Foo Foo guy?* Jerk. Seriously. And he's not even just a jerk, he's a stupid jerk. Not only does he enjoy bashing other creatures on the head for absolutely no reason other than "it's fun,**" he completely ignores three very clear warnings from Miss Fairy.*** You have to admit that this lady is quite aptly named, by the way. Little Rabbit Foo Foo doesn't even pretend to care about anything that she's saying, but she remains patient and true to her word. I would have destroyed him the second I even thought he was ignoring me.† I would like to ask, however, that we also add the word "Stupid" or some derivative thereof to her name and here's why: as punishment for being an obnoxious, stupid jerk, she turns Little Rabbit Foo Foo into a goon. You know, the thing that can, presumably, still do an exceptionally good job at picking up field mice and bash them on the head. The moral of my story: if you're trying to punish someone for using their arms in an inappropriate manner, don't change them into something with arms just to have a witty pun to end your stupid song with.
So I was doing something very rare the other day:†† talking to a friend about Inception. We were arguing about whether or not it (inception) was possible when I told him not to think about elephants. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he responded with "gorillas." That...didn't work quite as well as I had expected. Anyway, we came upon the subject of totems and he said that he wanted to use an hourglass. In a dream, he explained, the sand would never stop falling. Pretty clever idea, when you first think about it. Then you realize that it's a horrible idea if the hourglass is anything more than a 5-second-glass.††† If you have an hourglass that lasts a minute or two, you're going to be wasting a lot of time sitting, watching that sand, and wondering if your 60 seconds have passed yet.
I went to a restaurant with my family to celebrate the 4th of July‡ a few weeks ago. It was a nicer restaurant, and the waiter asked if we were celebrating anything that day by coming to the restaurant. We replied by telling him that we were celebrating Independence Day.‡ He responded with "Oh. I guess you could be celebrating that." Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Waiter, is the fact that you live with complete liberty and the fact that you are guaranteed a vote in each and every election not enough for you? What about the fact that you are completely free to flame the government that gives you those privelages every single day? Is that enough for you? Is it?!
Ahem. Sorry.
For real, though. He guesses it could be? Come on...
All right guys, that's it for this week. Oh and by the way, Chick-Fil-A employees, it is not your pleasure. I'm the one who's going to be drinking the Coke. Freakin' liars.
*Ah, yes, we're jumping right on in to the important stuff early on this one. Google "Little Rabbit Foo Foo Lyrics" if you don't know what I'm talking about or you won't understand this entire paragraph. Or skip this entire paragraph...I guess that's an option, too. If you're really lame, that is.
**Because, let's be honest here, it totally is. Uh...*adult voice* but that doesn't give one an excuse.
***Assuming, of course, that her first name is "The", her middle name is "Good" and her last name is "Fairy."
†This is actually why my parents decided not to name me "The Good Fairy." In case you were wondering...††
††Clearly not true.
†††See what I did there? Teehee.
‡You know, the day that we celebrate our independence from an oppresive nation that was trying to tax us without giving us any fair representation and that did a large number of other, unnecessarily mean things.
Keep looking, I promise it's worth it. You'll know when you find it.
