So the last week has probably been the busiest of my life. The combination of projects, 10 page papers, homework assignments, class attendance, and lack of sleep has done a number on my already melting brain and the result has been (in my opinion) awesomeness. It's kinda comparable to what happens when you take drugs - the chemicals mess with your brain and some really cool (albeit weird and possibly scary) stuff happens - but without the chemicals and addiction and all that other negative stuff (so you wanna get high and not get in legal trouble?? Sign up in the College of Engineering at NCSU!). *Ahem* Anyway, here's some thoughts that have been going through my fantastical brain (yes, that WAS a Dane Cook quote):
So i go to Bay Leaf. For those who don't know, the Bay Leaf College and Young Adults group is about 99% seminary students*. So I've spent the last four years hearing a lot of seminary talk. One example of this so-called "seminary talk" is the suggestion to make sure to ask questions about what you're reading as you read the Bible. I thought that was a pretty smart suggestion, so I started asking questions about stuff about what I was reading and about some popular Bible stories. I came up with some interesting questions that I don't really have an answer to, so I figured I'd post them here to see what people thought**. And here they are:
Story 1 - David and Goliath
This is one of the most popular stories to teach to children at church. I recently discovered that people with church-going parents first hear this story, on average, when they've been in their mother's womb for about 3 months***. You are then bombarded with this story every year in Sunday School without fail, sometimes 2-3 times in a year†. So, I found it interesting when I realized that there's a major question left unanswered when the story ends. After killing Goliath (and you never hear about this in the children's Sunday School version that was previously mentioned), David cuts off his head and brings it to King Saul on a platter (okay ew...seriously). Everyone's totally happy and they all celebrate as the Philistines retreat. This is where the story ends.
Okay, awesome. I love a happy ending as much as the next guy. But uh, and here's my question, what the heck did King Saul do with this human head after the party?? Seriously! It's probably really freaking late at night, and that last obnoxious guest that wasn't even invited to the party because he always stays an hour after everyone has left has finally gone home. Saul's probably looking around his crazy awesome King-Mansion††† thinking "Man, I gotta clean this up tonight or it's gonna stink in the morning." Okay, so he probably wasn't thinking that, he probably got one of his maidservants or menservants to do it for him, but that's besides the point. Eventually, whoever was cleaning reached the human head sitting in the middle of Saul's dining room and went "Uh.....hey, Saul?"
Saul, who was probably flossing in preparation for a good night's sleep (nothing like that clean mouth feeling you have when you brush your teeth right before going to sleep!), doesn't bother stepping out of his bathroom down the hallway. "Yea?"
"What, uh.....what are we doing with this...ummm....head?"
Saul, who has forgotten about David's little house-warming gift due to the awesomeness of the party steps out of the bathroom with tweezers in his hand and a confused look on his face. "What?!" Then, he remembers. David brought him the head of some nine-foot-plus tall dude. As a gift.
"You know, the head. The.....human head. That David brought you."
"Um...." He probably rubbed his temple or his eyes at this point, wondering how on Earth he could get rid of David's present without him noticing it was missing the next time he visited the palace. Like that wouldn't be awkward. Saul could hear David now:
"Sooooooo.....where'd you put my ballin' present?" or "You know, I've always loved the decoration here in your crazy awesome King-Mansion, Saul-io, but uh....I'm....I'm noticing you're missing a little something something that I brought you last time I was here. The night of the party, remember? You remember what I brought? Where'd you end up putting that?"
"Saul?" His manservant would have called, pulling him back to reality.
"Uh....get someone to....lose it. David'll buy that, don't you think?"‡
For serious, though, why has no one wondered about this? Why'd it take 22 years for this to pop into my head?? And why on Earth is Miley Cyrus considered a talented artist?! What? Shut up, that has everything to do with my story. But seriously, if you have an answer (to any of my questions...but mostly the last one), please let me know. And if you know what was going through David's head when he decided that another head would be a good gift to give his good buddy Saul, please let me know. Seriously, that is completely gross. No wonder their relationship went sour after this‡‡.
*Not an accurate statistic
**This is misleading
***Also not an accurate statistic
† Probably a more realistic statistic (teehee that rhymed), although there was very little research done to prove it††.
†† Not true. No research was done for this note.
††† Laymen terms
‡ This entire story was fabricated by a writer of questionable sanity. It's probably (as in most-likely) not Biblically accurate at all. Mostly because they didn't speak English when this story took place. They spoke Jewish.
‡‡ There is a 100% chance that this statement is completely false.
