Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I...am tonight's...entertainment.* In this post, I will cover video games, automatic sinks, and will take a look at another interesting Bible story. And here's and the extra-exciting part:*** I'll be doing all of the aforementioned things by... speaking to my computer. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, this entire blog post is being constructed by Windows 7's not-so-great speech recognition program. This will be especially fun because, for some reason, this stupid program has more difficulty identifying the word "blog" than Hitler had not killing Jews. That means that every time you see the word "blog", I've had to vocally spell it out for the computer. Given this little bit of information, and the fact that that last sentence took me a good minute-and-a-half to write, you'll understand if this blog post is never posted, or if I end up going insane.†
Have you ever seen a movie in which one of the characters plays a video game at some point? Have you then attempted to play a video game in the same manner? Here's my advice to you: don't. Unless you're playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for the Gamecube, randomly smashing buttons is not a special move that will magically accrue tens of thousands of points. Seeing as Hollywood does such an excellent job of portraying reality,†† I'm slightly disappointed in them here. However, if you do happen to be playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for the Gamecube, go for it. You'll win. I don't care what you're doing. I don't even care if you're "free skating", which you technically can't win, you'll win. Period.
So, you know what sucks?††† Automatic sinks. When are we gonna have automatic sinks that actually work? I mean, this technology is at least 10 years old and it still doesn't work! And what's more awkward than trying to position your hands at *just* the right spot as to make water come out while the line of people waiting for the sink behind you starts stretching out the door? What annoys me more than anything, though, is when the stupid sink can't decide whether or not your hands are in the right spot and it does that "Here comes the water! Oh, just kidding!" thing. One of these days, I'm going into a bathroom with a knife and stabbing one of those things to death. And not even a small knife, either.
And finally, we come to the moment you've all been waiting for!‡
Bible Story Number Four - The Magical Healing Springs
As I mentioned in my very first blog post, I have many seminary friends who have urged me to ask questions as I read through my Bible. I have been doing so, and have stumbled upon a number of stories that seem to have some loose ends. This is the latest one.
Read John 5:1-7. Go ahead, read it. For those of you who are too lazy to copy and paste that Scripture reference into a Google search, here's the lowdown. Jesus comes upon a crippled man and asks him if he wants to get well. The man responds by mentioning some kind of pool. Seemingly ignoring him, Jesus does what He likes to do and the man gets up and walks for the first time in 38 years. This wonderful Bible story shows Christ's love yet again and gives us a chance to read about a beautiful miracle. Wait a minute. What about this pool?
As it turns out, the cripple was talking about a nearby pool, called Bethesda, that would surge up every now and again. The local legend was that it would surge up because an angel was touching the waters. Now, as we all know from watching the excellent show Touched By An Angel, angels are quite magical beings that can summon lights to shine down on them from above in any location in the universe. So it would make sense, then, that the waters would possess magical healing powers whenever they were touched by the angel. So naturally, people with ailments would rush to get into the water whenever it surged up.
That's right, people. Back in the day, some incredibly sick, incredibly twisted individual told a bunch of people without the ability to walk - much less run - that the first person to get to some magical water would be healed of their handicap. This disgusting human being then sat back and watched a bunch of cripples race each other. Probably by crawling with their hands.‡‡ Disgusting. The sick scum-bag probably gathered other callous rich folk and started betting on who would make it to the water first, too.
So, that's it for today's blog post. And in case you were wondering, this terrible speech recognition program never once understood the word blog. I'm going to go murder someone now. Have a nice day!
*Movie quote. The first person to name the movie will be mentioned in my next blog post, an honor which is reserved for only the most exemplary of my beloved readers.**
**That statement is probably false.
***Extra-exciting because this blog is exciting in and of itself.
†If I do end up going insane, please make sure that Mike Blackaby somehow makes it into the insane asylum with me. It's a promise we made to one another.
††See what I did there?
†††Besides, of course, this good-for-nothing, absolutely worthless speech recognition program.
‡Unless, of course, you're ultra lame. You're not ultra lame, are you?
‡‡Since, you know, their legs didn't work.
One more laugh before you go:
