"All right! I'm all settled in class/work and I'm ready to start being productive!"
*Opens Facebook.*
"Oh! I have a number of notifications this morning! Today is going to be a good day!"
*Begins clicking through notifications. Stops dead in his/her tracks.*
"Oh. My. Goodness. Could it be?"
*Vision homes in on the best notification he/she has received in 7 months: "Chris Sellek has tagged you in the note 'Insert quote from Anchorman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail or some random YouTube video here'". He/she begins floating as he/she clicks on the notification and begins reading pure comedic bliss.*
"This is the best thing I've ever read in the last 7 months!"
- Excerpt from the life of every last one of you who were tagged in this note.*
So I read this article the other day** about how scientists were coming together to prove that life accidentally came from non-living matter by gathering a bunch of the world's most brilliant minds together and forcing it to happen. I think...uh....I think they missed something there. In fact, I think - and this may just be me being crazy again - that they're doing more to hurt their claim than help it:***
Incredibly brilliant scientist #1: "Aha! We have finally disproven creationsists' claims by showing once and for all that life absolutely can and did come from non-living matter, without the intervention of some intelligent being. We truly are amazing!"
Incredibly brilliant scientist #2: "Yes indeed, Reginald, I agree with your statement wholeheartedly! We, two very intelligent beings, have finally proven...that...life can be created....without....the help...of.....hm."
Reginald: "Well. I'll be the first to say that this is awkward. But just because life came about with the help of intelligent beings this time doesn't mean it didn't do so at the beginning of time, am I right my dear boy?"
Incredibly brilliant scientist #2, who will apparently be remaining nameless: "Ah!! You were aptly named up there when Chris referenced you as 'Incredibly brilliant scientist #1', Reginald! You areindeed an incredibly brilliant scientist!"
Reginald: "That I am, old chap! Come, let us drink to our success!"
Anyone in the world who thinks logically: "You guys are dumb."
Another interesting thought: have you ever wondered how difficult it must be for serial killers to find people who have similar interests? Seriously, what do they do? Do they wait until they find someone who kinda gives them the "I'm a serial killer, too" vibe and then try to drop hints or something? That could probably be awkward:
Serial killer looking to find friends: "So. What do you like to do in your spare time?"
Random, innocent civilian: "Oh you know, playing video games, reading, hanging out with my friends."
Serial killer: "Oh, that's nice. What...kind of video games do you like playing the most?"
Innocent civilian: "I like racing games and sports games, mostly. And I enjoy the occasional first-person shoo..." *Stops short because his conversational partner is now 1 inch away from his face.*
Serial killer: "I like first-person shooters, too. But I prefer the games where you can kill someone slowly with a small blade. Have you played Batman: Arkham City? I sure did like Victor Zsasz.† I thought it was so interesting how he scarred a tally into his skin every time he killed someone."
Innocent civilian: "Uh...yea, I played that." *Notices a few scars that could definitely be tallies on his quickly-losing-friendship-status friend's arm.* "I like...uh....Viva Piñata, too."††
*Innocent civilian clears throat awkwardly. Serial killer remains a mere inch from his face as he gets more and more uncomfortable.*
Serial killer: "Do you think you would like to come hang out with me at three in the morning some time? I think you and I could..."
Innocent Civilian: "I gotta go, my wife's calling me."
Ah yes, it's difficult being a serial killer. I mean...uh....it would be difficult. If....uh...I gotta go, my wife's calling me.†††
*I was gonna do an excerpt from anyone who accidentally stumbled upon the note in my timeline or on their news feed in addition to this, but I figured it would kinda be a waste of space since it'd basically be the same thing with one or two minor changes.
**"The other day" being October, when I still had a very blog-posting mindset and was still writing down blog post ideas as they came to mind.
***Please read the following two scientists' voices in British accents. If you do it out loud, it makes the whole experience even more fun.
†For those who don't know, Zsasz is a twisted serial killer in the Batman universe who scars a tally into his skin whenever he kills someone.
††Children's game that involves breaking Piñatas or something incredibly innocent and non-serial-killer-esque like that.
†††Obviously not true because Chris isn't married.
