...Unless, of course, you need to go to sleep. Which is currently the case. However, thanks to Chickfila and their food which is complemented perfectly by a cup (or six*) of Coke, I am not only not sleeping - I'm shaking. Seriously. My hands are shaking. Can you say "typos galore?" You...can't? Okay. Uh. Keep reading, then.
Okay, so here's the thing. These facebook fan pages are getting on my nerves. And I'm not talking about the "oh, man, this is getting on my nerves" kinda getting on my nerves. I'm talking about the "oh man, this is getting on my nerves" kinda getting on my nerves. Yea. With the emphasis on those two italicized words.
Seriously, though, not only does every single one of them nowadays have an astronomical** number of typos,*** their subject matter is getting more and more stupid. I saw someone "like" a fan page entitled "droping you're fone on your face wile texting." Um. Who† in God's creation has ever dropped anything on their face and gone "Oh snap!! That was SO awesome! Man, I wish that would happen every day!!" Like for serious. That showed up on my news feed and I was like "Um, no. I'm not a fan of dropping my cell phone on my face. No one should be a fan of dropping their cell phone on their face..." But, what do I know, right? I'm a single computer scientist who lives in his mother's basement.††
Don't get me wrong, though, I don't hate all fan pages. Just the ones made by lame high schoolers who can't spell even though every browser in existence now spell-checks for you.** There are actually some fan pages that have made me laugh out loud.‡‡ The one entitled "I hate it when I'm standing shirtless in the woods and Abercrombie takes a picture of me" was hilarious. My favorite one so far, however, was the one entitled "I hate it when I'm brushing my teeth and an armadillo crawls out of my bathtub." When I first read that one, I laughed at the randomness of the title. But then I really started thinking about it. Pretty soon, I decided that I totally would hate it if I were brushing my teeth and an armadillo crawled out of my bathtub.
All seriousness aside,**** think about it. Put yourself into this scenario. There you are, minding your own business and brushing your teeth before heading to bed like King Saul did back in blog post one, when all of the sudden, a freaking armadillo crawls out of your bathtub. Okay, so now you're freaking out because there's totally an armadillo in your bathroom. You have no time to put your toothbrush away and properly dispose of the toothpaste in your mouth before this animal finds its way into the rest of your house, so you're forced to leave the toothbrush hanging out of your mouth while you try to find a way to pick this thing up without it biting you.
So one second, you're peacefully brushing your teeth and the next, you've got a mouthful of toothbrush and toothpaste and you're holding an armadillo by its...shell.......thing. Now you have the unpleasant task of calling up animal control without the ability to talk or even dial a phone, all the while wondering which one of your jerk friends went to the trouble to actually find an armadillo to put into your bathtub.
I seriously can't think of something less pleasant than the aforementioned scenario. Except maybe typing up a blog post that has more footnotes than planet Earth has mosquitoes at THREE IN THE FREAKING MORNING. Or listening to Miley Cyrus. *Shudders*
*Slight exaggeration.
**0 exaggeration.
***Freakin' high school kids and their mis-spellings...
†Or what. Freakin' iguanas.
††This is actually not a joke. Probably††† going to regret letting the whole world know this.
†††As in definitely.‡
‡Footnote to a footnote to a footnote. What.
‡‡The fact that I literally laugh out loud to myself at these pages does not make me feel better about the whole "single computer scientist living in his mom's basement" thing. At least I'm not like 40. Yet.‡‡‡
‡‡‡Lots of pessimism tonight. I blame the caffeine that refuses to let me sleep.
****See what I did there?††††
††††Okay, this whole footnote thing is getting ridiculous. This isn't so much a blog post as it is a maze. I am hereby banning footnotes for the remainder of this note.
Pictcha!!
Okay, so here's the thing. These facebook fan pages are getting on my nerves. And I'm not talking about the "oh, man, this is getting on my nerves" kinda getting on my nerves. I'm talking about the "oh man, this is getting on my nerves" kinda getting on my nerves. Yea. With the emphasis on those two italicized words.
Seriously, though, not only does every single one of them nowadays have an astronomical** number of typos,*** their subject matter is getting more and more stupid. I saw someone "like" a fan page entitled "droping you're fone on your face wile texting." Um. Who† in God's creation has ever dropped anything on their face and gone "Oh snap!! That was SO awesome! Man, I wish that would happen every day!!" Like for serious. That showed up on my news feed and I was like "Um, no. I'm not a fan of dropping my cell phone on my face. No one should be a fan of dropping their cell phone on their face..." But, what do I know, right? I'm a single computer scientist who lives in his mother's basement.††
Don't get me wrong, though, I don't hate all fan pages. Just the ones made by lame high schoolers who can't spell even though every browser in existence now spell-checks for you.** There are actually some fan pages that have made me laugh out loud.‡‡ The one entitled "I hate it when I'm standing shirtless in the woods and Abercrombie takes a picture of me" was hilarious. My favorite one so far, however, was the one entitled "I hate it when I'm brushing my teeth and an armadillo crawls out of my bathtub." When I first read that one, I laughed at the randomness of the title. But then I really started thinking about it. Pretty soon, I decided that I totally would hate it if I were brushing my teeth and an armadillo crawled out of my bathtub.
All seriousness aside,**** think about it. Put yourself into this scenario. There you are, minding your own business and brushing your teeth before heading to bed like King Saul did back in blog post one, when all of the sudden, a freaking armadillo crawls out of your bathtub. Okay, so now you're freaking out because there's totally an armadillo in your bathroom. You have no time to put your toothbrush away and properly dispose of the toothpaste in your mouth before this animal finds its way into the rest of your house, so you're forced to leave the toothbrush hanging out of your mouth while you try to find a way to pick this thing up without it biting you.
So one second, you're peacefully brushing your teeth and the next, you've got a mouthful of toothbrush and toothpaste and you're holding an armadillo by its...shell.......thing. Now you have the unpleasant task of calling up animal control without the ability to talk or even dial a phone, all the while wondering which one of your jerk friends went to the trouble to actually find an armadillo to put into your bathtub.
I seriously can't think of something less pleasant than the aforementioned scenario. Except maybe typing up a blog post that has more footnotes than planet Earth has mosquitoes at THREE IN THE FREAKING MORNING. Or listening to Miley Cyrus. *Shudders*
*Slight exaggeration.
**0 exaggeration.
***Freakin' high school kids and their mis-spellings...
†Or what. Freakin' iguanas.
††This is actually not a joke. Probably††† going to regret letting the whole world know this.
†††As in definitely.‡
‡Footnote to a footnote to a footnote. What.
‡‡The fact that I literally laugh out loud to myself at these pages does not make me feel better about the whole "single computer scientist living in his mom's basement" thing. At least I'm not like 40. Yet.‡‡‡
‡‡‡Lots of pessimism tonight. I blame the caffeine that refuses to let me sleep.
****See what I did there?††††
††††Okay, this whole footnote thing is getting ridiculous. This isn't so much a blog post as it is a maze. I am hereby banning footnotes for the remainder of this note.
Pictcha!!
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