Yes, folks, it's that time again. That time where I write up a side-splittingly-hilarious blog post that I title with a quote from either the movie Anchorman or Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The time where everyone puts aside their differences and comes together for an all-together good time. It's times like these when we all realize the important things in life and that life would be so much better if we all would just crown me as the funniest person alive and then sit back and listen to every hilarious thing that came from my mouth.*
There are few things in this world that bother me as much as Hannah Montana.** Nonsensical song lyrics, misbehaving pet dinosaurs, iguanas,*** axes that aren't sharp enough to cut through bone in one swing, and lame excuses girls give to guys are just a few of those things.† Today, I will cover the most interesting of the aforementioned list: nonsensical song lyrics and girls' lame excuses.
Can I ask you guys something? What in the crap does "we gon' light it up like it's dynamite" mean?? Seriously, let's think about this pathetic excuse for a simile. When you light up some dynamite, what's your immediate next move? Run. Get the crap outta there because it's going to explode and literally tear you limb from limb if you decide to stay and watch. Therefore, Taio "Freaking" Cruz,†† saying that you're going to light up a party as though it were a stick of dynamite is a horrible simile. Unless of course, you're planning on getting the party started and then peacing out the second things get exciting. Which I wouldn't put past you because you're apparently a tool.
Here's another good one, written by the world's††† most untalented famous musical group, The Black-Eyed Peas. "I like that boom boom pow, them chickens jackin' my style." I'm not making this up. Them chickens. While I am not arguing that a few chickens wouldn't be able to amass more talent than The Black-Eyed Peas, I am arguing that this song lyric makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, chickens? Either she's talking about the animal, or she's talking about people who are afraid of everything. Either way, writing this song lyrics took about as much talent as using the restroom. And not even number 2. And this crap‡ makes money.
Stephanie Brown.‡‡
Have you guys ever heard some of the lame excuses girls make as to why they can't date a guy? Seriously ladies, you claim that you're trying to not hurt our feelings, but sometimes I feel like you're not even trying. For example, just the other day I asked this girl out. My side of the conversation went like this:
"...So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to, you know, get dinner or coffee sometime so we could get to know each other better." Pause "Um....okay....?" Another pause "No, I'm not saying you're lying...I just.....I've never heard of someone being allergic to coffee before. Or....every food in existance, for that matter." Third pause "Oh so I called out your blatant lie about the food allergy and now you're changing your excuse?" She speaks "Ostriches? Really? I didn't even know therewere ostriches in Raleigh, much less ostriches that were running low on oxygen."
Women these days.‡‡‡ Can't live with....
Yea nevermind, I can totally live with them. Whoever first said that was stupid.
*Yea, that went downhill fast. What the heck were you expecting?
**Yea, I'm hating on her again. She just....sucks. So much.
***It's not racism. You guys just suck.
†Okay, so there are more than just a few things that bother me as much as Hannah Montana.
††Not an official nickname. Yet. I'm working on it.
†††And history's...
‡No pun intended.
‡‡I promised that the first person to guess a movie quote in my previous note would be mentioned in the next one. Congratulations to you Stephanie.
‡‡‡That entire story may or may not have been completely fabricated.
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